Coming Home

Lots of people love to share their adventures. After having such amazing experiences why wouldn't you invite people into your explorations?

Yet, no one talks about coming home. After living out of two small backpacks for the last 9 months, I find myself back home and right where I started. A full trip around the sun. Granted, when I left for the first excursion it was spontaneous timing, afterwards more opportunities were shown, and before I knew I had 7 months scheduled out, living and working abroad. Traveling pulled me into the present of my life. Being so focused on my environment, my language skills, and meeting new people, made me aware of the pulse of life. I was in a moment, these moments, that I had dreamed of years before. The memories I have gained over these months have helped shift me into a better version of myself. It has reconnected me with a desire to be creative, reminded me to always seek compassion, and pushed me into new experiences that expanded my previous limits.

However, there is nothing like returning home and being reminded about all the things you left to forget. See there are stages: romanticized nostalgia, a tight fitting old self, and monotonous depression. At first you begin to feel excitement, to see family, to curl up in your belongings, retreat back to your space. It is amazing, that first week. You catch up on missed birthdays, and babies, long hugs, and drinks with friends. After sometime, the sedentary sits back in, and the chaos of Delhi's streets, or the smells of Cusco cooking, all begin to feel like a far away dream, hallucination even. Say my experience was in weight, I'm now 10 pounds heavier trying to fit into my old sized jeans. The waist is not buttoning, my thigh's circulations are getting cut off, and I am struck with the realization that I cannot simply slip back into my past-self. It is here, in this humbling episode, where a cloud of depression can form from the lack of lust for this old life, before a new one can take shape. You begin to see that the place you left did not change while you were gone, in fact it's perfectly fitting to who you once were, except you can never go back there. You expanded yourself too far to shrink back.

It also these moments, these null moments, when the graph plateaus, and the uptick is too far ahead to see. Left with a surrounding flatness that can make it hard to decide the next direction to set off in. As a returning traveler, the adrenaline from newness and change can veil routine and stability like a grief stricken widow. You must not forget in this time, the monotonous depression, to ask yourself: am I rotting or rooting? The perspective is the reality.

Slowing down can feel a lot like giving up. In our fast paced world of capitalism, it can feel like a white flag when taking time to redirect. So, if someone has not said it, let me be the first to advise, it is okay to slow down. Taking the time to decipher your next best steps is nothing short of genius and privilege.

To be bored! What a wonderful place to create new in. That time freedom of the in-betweens are worth a lot in their value. To let the dust settle and clarity set in. Here is where you can get yourself to higher peaks than ever imagined. These moments of blankness, "the before's", are equally wonderful as they are terrifying.

Fear aside, please keep your trust. Keep believing in the magic you feel from the world around you. Keep singing to the angels, dancing for the sun, and creating for the love that exists in the most forgotten of corners. These moments of humble ends and shaky beginnings are integral to cultivating gratitude for both what was and what's to come.