Time

A pitfall of today’s technology is its instantaneous aspect. With the usage of it, our behavior changes. We now accustom ourselves to shorter waiting times, and therefore less chances to practice patience. The effortless reward system of scrolling also shortens our perception of how long something should take us. As we watch others spliced time lapses, we can become deterred from seeking out things lacking instant rewards. Along with the world demanding 40+ hours a week from us, it is safe to say we are all experiencing some type of broken relationship with time.

This truly makes me sad, as time, is a beautiful concept. Consider a strip of film. Time is the viewing box sliding across each one, holding the borders of the present moment, in each of its pauses. Or perhaps it’s best related to air or a tree. We require it. The sage understanding of matter, space, and time; the what, where, and when, conundrum, can show us that time is not against us, but rather is an inevitable effect of this creation. One that gives us a chance to see our own growth and impact.

And even though it’s existence makes all of this temporary for us, the good news is, is that it makes all of this temporary for us.

“By time, I learned that I understood, that time is God

Who built the mountains…time

Who created the universe…time

Who destroys the mountains…time”

-Heracles, Black Iris Project Director

While at the beginning of a book on time, a single page proceeded to end me up in a 3-hour-long argument with my roommate. We went back and forth about how time at a higher altitude may move faster than at lower altitudes. I then proceeded to close the book and never pick it up again. Now, I still may not be able to rationalize Einstein’s Theory of Relatively well, but I have had my own interesting experiences with time. My understanding, and the one I write to you below, is a perspective outside of physics. I invite you to look at it as biological and evolutionary, a tool for the universe to organize itself. Alive in a way, an observer of the universe.

Spiritually, it is our gift… but what do we do with such an offer?

In a world that wants to take all of my time, I now see time as my most valuable resource. I must understand that time is not something to waste, but rather mine to spend. It is my well-stocked currency that is accepted globally. When I reclaimed my reserve, I began to see just how empty it truly is, and that my conception of it was built into me through systems. When all it really is, is just there, all the time, literally. Not changing, but helping to hold me in place. Not necessarily ticking, but floating slowly in a direction that seems forward. I began to realize my perception alone changed it immensely. Doing things slowly made time feel slower, and doing things fast made time feel faster. I also learned that there are most likely always two options to solve any problem, one that takes more time and one that takes more money. It is up to you to balance the exchange.

In 2023 I began to heal my relationship with time. Enjoying the present moment more, thanking it for being with me. When I removed the feeling of ticking from my life, I stopped racing. I came to the realization that I had always been sprinting, and that’s why I was exhausted. I laughed out loud at this because I realized such a simple truth, I could walk. I could walk and the Earth did not blow up if I slowed down, in fact, it became a lot more beautiful to me. No one was truly telling me to run, other than my own lack of self-worth. I could walk, run, jog, crawl, stand, lay. I could do what I needed with time because it is mine.

The way time feels to you, your perception of it, is in relation to the urgency of your mind. If it never sits still, neither can you. A great question to ask oneself is, why am I running? If you don't like your answer, pull the treadmill's power and let the momentum simmer down.

The ones who are always so busy, I cannot help but giggle at, for there truly is not too much to do as humans. That’s part of the gift, is that some of it is “doing the nothing”. Now we never truly do nothing, but the busyness is very much made up for the benefit of business.

The idea we must be producing all the time as individuals is absurd. It is built upon the innate shame that our existences are burdensome, so therefore we must equally produce to make up for the fact that we consume. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had beautiful afternoons of sitting in the sun on some grass, after a walk, that did not seem to consume anything other than my time, sadness, and air. One could also argue that there are naturally flowing processes that help keep us alive here anyway, but I regress from the economics of the issue.

My point being that as I slowed down, my perception of time changed. On the days of “doing nothing”, like taking a walk, sitting outside, or meditating, I began to feel not just great, but apart of a personal, yet powerful form of protest against the productivity machine. I actually found myself more productive and focused on my interests with the lack of pressure and zen rest.

The truth is we do not always need to be spearheading life so hard. What are we running from? To? Especially when the running is what is killing us more than time itself!

Clarity and focus are more powerful tools than speed.

As I stepped outside of this consume and produce model, I found myself in no man’s land: boredom. What a glorious place to be, or scary place to be, all depending on if you like yourself or not. Either way, it is a great place to learn to love yourself for what you are. And from this space, a third friend finally entered the model for me, creation. Creating is what allows us to expel our energy into something, just like producing, but it differs as it returns energy back to you at its completion. Whether through pride, love, admiration, or accomplishment, the expression expels bad energy and leaves us with more room for good. Not to mention it does a whole lot of healing to one’s thoughts. And one could argue that your thoughts create reality, but that’s a different topic for a different day.

In my boredom, I came to the conclusion, that for me, creating was the only way to spend my time that made the most sense. With it, I also realized the humbling truth that actual accomplishment requires time and dedication. That anything I create, that could be good, will take time, lots of it. Time my mind, and the world, constantly enjoys telling me I am wasting.

I've always had a unique relationship with time. Usually running late, even if I had all of it to get ready. Days where something quick took me weeks and something I should have started weeks ago was accomplished in a sleepless night. Time is something I believed was a given. Something hard to remove. Over time, I have learned that it is not. Or perhaps time has simply changed my optimism to pessimism, for time itself has not changed in the slightest. It continues to be with astonishing consistency. It's just me who has changed in its presence.

It seems time, as of the last few years, has become like a rug to me. I can feel its shag between my toes, but I am constantly on alert for if the softness goes missing. My lesson being that time is a gift, but also a temporary one. I do not get to cherish it forever.

Aware of this, I still hear a faint tick, and think, what can I do today? But history is never made in a day, masterpieces are not a morning routine, and true art is made on its own schedule. Even to arrive here took 9 long months.

For me to create something with my time, I also have to trust. This may be the hardest part. Trust, that over time my talents will begin to reveal themselves. That my trust in time will allow me to create things that require it. As well as require me to be comfortable doing nothing for some of it.

Nothing of value is done in quick time, and great things require an abundance of it.

My fear of time, or lack of it, comes from the observation of other rugs pulled out from underneath. Some are so unexpected, I fear I could never stake any claim that I have lots. But trust in time is needed to create, and create I must. What, you ask? I am not sure, but why else would I be given time?

And so I ask Time,

"For what if I start and do not get to finish?

Time replies with a chuckle,

"You will never finish if you do not start, and you will never start the more you sit here contemplating me."

In a society that values efficient production, where we let robots do much of the artistic process to show a quick enough profit, my creations cannot adhere to those deadlines. For co-creating with time, is not a race, but a battle with self.

So, in a society that "teaches" me all of the many ways I can be wasting my time, and to the influencers who feel the need to tell me all the best ways I could be spending it, I have only a quick statement:

Time is my God

And I must learn to trust Time

Or else Time will never trust me–

with its precious creations.